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the rules and regs

24 Lemons New Zealand Rules & Regulations:

1: GENERAL

·         1.0: WARNING: Racing is exceedingly taxing, both physically and mentally. When driving a racecar, you may be exposed to extreme (both high and low) temperatures, dense smoke and fumes, intense shocks and vibrations, very loud noises and a variety of other unusual, exhausting, confusing, and stressful conditions (much like a romantic dinner with your girlfriend, and then the wife shows up)! EVEN IF YOU THINK YOU’RE IN EXCELLENT HEALTH, TELL YOUR DOCTOR WHAT YOU’RE PLANNING TO DO; GET A FULL PRE-COMPETITION PHYSICAL EXAM BEFORE YOU START RACING; AND ESTABLISH A REGULAR SCHEDULE FOR RE-TESTS!

·         1.1: Organisers’ Decisions: are final. If you don’t like it, tough. Get your own race!

·         1.2: Unsafe Vehicles and/or Drivers: At Organisers’ discretion, any unsafe car or driver may be removed from the event at any time.

·         1.3: Refunds, Entry-Fee Transfers, and Compensation for Loss: There are none. Forget it. It ain’t gonna happen. You get zip. Squat. Nada. Can’t get your act together? Tough nuts. T-boned on Lap One? Fire up the BBQ! Abducted by space aliens? Boo-hoo…  BUT if you stumble and can’t get it together the cut off is 60 days prior to the race date where you can get 100% refund of driver fees. Within 60 days of a race date 24 Hours Of Lemons will do their best to replace your team from our wait list…. This is not a guarantee.

·         1.4: Winners and Prizes: Classes are assigned (aka, pulled from our butts) during tech inspection based on the judges’ best guesses; post-assignment whining can get you a whole lot of grief from the Technical team – as determined by a super-secret equation including vehicle age, general hooptieness, reliability of country of origin, unlikelihood of success, and the Organizers’ whim.

·         1.5: Your Car May Be REJECTED: This is fair racing. If you think you can play us for fools, think again – we’ve seen every trick in the book!!

·         1.6: Right of Publicity: Entrants and their cars may be photographed and recorded, then reproduced and re-used whenever and wherever the heck the Organizers like (including but not limited to television, internet, magazines, radio, biblical apocrypha, CinemaScope epics, and cave paintings). You won’t get a penny unless somebody sees it and buys you a coffee. If you’re not comfortable with that, wear a Mexican wrestler mask and/or stay home.

·         1.7: No Cruisin’ or Stuntin’ or Splodin’: All vehicles (other than cars registered to drive in the lemons race) on track property must abide by the road-rules of New Zealand as well as the specific track rules. So, no burn-outs, speeding or drifting in the car-park or public spaces. No firearms or fireworks may be used on track property.

·         1.8: No Drones or Other Aircraft: Sorry, the insurance people insist–no (intentionally) flying machines allowed onsite.

·         2: ELIGIBILITY

·         2.1: Vehicle Eligibility: Entry limited to mass-produced, four-wheeled vehicles legal for New Zealand public road use at the time of their manufacture. Vehicles must be acquired and prepared for a maximum of $999.00 as described. Vehicles must meet all safety standards.

·         2.2: Driver Eligibility: All drivers must have a valid AASA Club Racing Licence or approved equivalent.. Specific “Race Licences” will be available for each race (event specific).

·         2.2.1: Drivers Under 18: Drivers under 18 years of age are permitted to enter, provided they obtain parental consent.

·         2.2.2: No Passengers Allowed, other than during “practice” times

·         2.3: Tyre Eligibility: Any road legal passenger tyre accepted by the AASA. NO Racing Slicks/semi-slicks!

·         2.4: Whiner Eligibility. Whiners are not eligible to compete. If you believe that you might be a whiner, please check with a domestic partner, guardian, or health-care professional before getting the rest of your team kicked the hell out of the race.

·         3 DRIVER & VEHICLE SAFETY

·         3.A.1 General. All vehicles and drivers must comply with the minimum requirements set out in the National Competition Rules of the AASA. This can be found on their website: www.aasa.com.au
This document isn’t as scary as it seems. It will more or less permit a standard road going car with the addition of a fire extinguisher to compete, BUT…

·         3.A.2 Mandatory Vehicle Safety Items. The minimum safety requirements for any competing vehicle, as Lemons is a safety focused event we require a few items above those minimums, as follows:

All vehicles must be fitted with an approved Roll Cage (Homologated by MSNZ)
-Half Cage with Side Intrusion Bars (Homologated by MSNZ) – we advise full cages if you want more safety!
-Kill Switch (Must isolate battery and kill ignition immediately, Driver must be able to operate from seated/harnessed position)
-Harness (In good condition and still valid per AASA NCR’s)
-One Piece Moulded Seat

·         3.A.3 Mandatory Driver Safety Items. This is as per AASA NCR’s minimums. Helmet to AS1698;1998 or NZS 5430:1992. Overalls/Race Suit that covers from neck to wrist to ankle and enclosed footwear of leather or similar are all required.

·         3.A.4 Silly Enough To Buy an Open Top Car For $999 or Less? Your drivers must wear eye protection to AS 1609–1981 and racing gloves, the ultimate fashion accessory for your hairdresser’s car. Check Schedule A for specifics.

·         3.B SCRUTINEERING

·         3.B.1 General Scrutineering. Vehicles must meet all safety standards laid out in this section and must pass scrutineering prior to each race.  (also called “Lemons Safety Inspection”) is in no way a certification, representation, or guarantee that your crappy old vehicle is fit or safe to drive. Each team is solely responsible for determining its vehicle’s safety, fitness to race, and compliance with Lemons’ rules.

·         3.B.2 Floor Jack and Jack stands. Each team must bring at least one sturdy floor jack, and at least two sturdy jack stands, to scrutineering. Each team is responsible for safely raising its car off the ground during this process.

·         3.B.3 What we are looking for… We want you all to have a fun time out on the track but you need to be safe, here’s what we are going to pick on during scrutineering.
-Rollcage (Homologated by MSNZ, and Logbook presented)
-Fire Extinguisher
must meet ADR’s and be fully charged and must meet  AS 1841 (Except AS1841.2)  The mount MUST be securely attached with screws or bolts so that it may withstand the force of a large impact. The extinguisher MUST be held in place to the mount by a Metal latch/bracket mechanism. Plastic brackets are not allowed. It must be in a low safe position and must be within reach of the driver’s seat while seated, NOT cable tied to roll cage, passenger seat etc.

-Seat (Mounted properly, not loose and, if on rails, must lock on both sides)
-All steering and brake components working correctly
-Brake Lights
-Ball joints and wheel bearings
-No Leaks (Oil, Water, Fuel, Dribbling incompetent drivers, etc)
-Kill Switch (we will be checking that this works, is labelled and can be reached by the driver while seated/harnessed)
-Throttle Return Springs
-Driver is able to exit vehicle quickly (under 5 seconds, may pay to practise this one)
-No loose items/loose wiring/sharp edges inside/outside car
-Tyres – no slicks or semi-slicks and should be in good condition (until you wear them out and put on another set)
-Suspension (Not binding, springs captive, no excessive play)
-Any external theming is securely attached and wont cause additional injury in the event of a crash
-Floor and Firewall, any open holes covered up
-Boot full of bribes

4: VEHICLE PRICE

·         4.1: Total Investment in Vehicle Can Not Exceed $999.00.

·         4.1.1: Lame-Ass Rationalizations: Cars that “should be” worth $999 don’t count; cars that “were worth $999″ before you spent another $2000 to fix them don’t count; cars you’ve owned for 20 years and spent more than $1000 on during that time don’t count; “it would have been worth $999”.

·         4.1.2: Lame-Ass Rationalizations About Parts: Same deal. “Free” parts, parts given to you by your buddies, parts left lying around the shop…that crap doesn’t impress us. It’s worth whatever the last real guy paid in the last real purchase. Don’t think you’re clever.

·         4.2: Safety Equipment DOES NOT Count Toward $999 Total: Safety equipment described in Section 3 DOES NOT count toward the $999 total. “Safety” refers to things that can save the driver–not things that can save the car.

·         4.2.1: Beside the items and processes listed in Section 3, the following are considered safety-related and therefore exempt:

·         Wheels, tyres, wheel bearings, ball-joints, and OE brake components

·         Exhaust systems downstream of the header/exhaust manifold (NOTE: Turbos and related components are NOT exempt from the $999 limit. Nice try.)

·         Windshields and wipers.

·         Driver comfort & information (steering wheel, shifter, gauges, pedals, cool suits, vents, heaters, radio)

·         All fuel hoses, fuel fittings, fuel filters, and related mounts

·         All fuel-system components upstream of the fuel pump, including tanks/cells, mounts, fillers, vents, etc. (NOTE: Fuel pumps, carburetors, injection pumps, computers, and individual injectors are NOT exempt from the $999 limit.)

·         4.3: Registration and Warrant of Fitness: Not required, but handy if you want to drive your Lemon to the track. And home again, if it lasts the weekend!

·         4.4: BS (Bullsh*t) Factor: To prevent cheating, all cars will be inspected by our Judges. At that time, all teams will be given an opportunity to describe the car’s purchase and prep. If the Judges believe the $999 limit has been exceeded, they may dispense “BS Penalties” which may include deducted laps or time consuming (and often embarrassing) tasks. Entrants are strongly encouraged to bring pre-race-prep photographs, verifiable receipts, notarized testimonials, plus any and all other supporting evidence to BS Inspection. Or at least make up plausible-sounding stories in advance.

·         4.4.1: Appeal of BS Judges’ Decisions? Get real. You’re pooched.

·         4.5: Sponsorships: Conned some hardworking corp into giving you parts or cash? Nice work, but it still counts toward the $999 total. We recommend blowing that sponsorship dough on other stuff instead–hotel rooms, fuel, entry fees, pedicures, driver suits, personal male enhancement medication, travel expenses, Freudian therapy for the Organizers… things like that.

·         4.6: Labour Costs: If you didn’t pay for the labour, it doesn’t count toward the $999 total. If you did pay for it, it does count toward the $999 total. This just ain’t that complicated, guys.

·         4.7: Scavenger Sales: If you sell pieces off of your car, the money that comes back in can be used to offset the initial purchase price. (This only applies to stuff that counts toward the $999 total; the sale of exempt items–like wheels, glass, etc.–can NOT be used to offset the initial purchase price.) Just be prepared to convince some exceedingly skeptical judges of the validity of all those transactions.

·         4.8: Residual Value: Dumb enough to bring the same pile back for another race? Either do the whole BS process again (bring all your papers and evidence–we ain’t gonna remember your sad-sack story from last time), us to beg a residual value. Include clear post-race pix of the car and list any major mechanical stuff that needs fixing.

·         5: TEAMS

·         5.1: Definition of an Entry and a Team: An “Entry” consists of one car and 5 or more drivers; it exists for one event. A “Team” consists of one or more Entries in one or more events, all sharing one Team Name, one Team Concept, and one Team Captain; it exists for as long as the Team Captain chooses. An Entry’s minimum driver count is 5 and no maximum, there is limit of 4 non-driving crew members, friends in the pit area, cheerleaders, pizza-delivery boys, osteopathic surgeons, etc.

·         5.1.3: Captains can wise up and quit any time; the quitting Captain can appoint a replacement or dissolve the team.

·         5.2: Driver Portability: Any registered driver is allowed to drive any registered car at any time.

·         5.3: Pit Communication: Every team must have a reliable way to signal its driver on track. A pit board (homemade is fine) is acceptable, as is a helmet-wired radio system. No loose or hand-held receivers are allowed in the car.

·         6: DRIVING AND PENALTIES – READ THIS CAREFULLY!!

·         6.0: Penalties: Black-flag penalties are assessed for dangerous behaviour and/or being a douche; including but not limited to: contact for any reason; wheel(s) leaving the pavement; speeding in the pits; missing/ignoring a safety flag; racing to the yellow or red flag; overly aggressive driving; hitting a wall, cone, tree, safety vehicle, the track restaurant, etc; lack of car control; thinking the line has a deed and you own it; unsportsmanlike conduct; annoying the hell out of us; annoying the hell out of everyone else; etc.

·         6.0.1: Progression of Penalties: Black-flag penalties get increasingly harsh as the number/severity increases.

·         1st black flag of day–usually, just a stern chat and an adjustment of your under-garments.

·         2nd black flag of day–embarrassing, time-consuming penalty at judges’ discretion.

·         3rd black flag of day–same as above, but more embarrassing and time-consuming

·         4th and future black flags–super embarrassing penalties and possible ejection from the race!

·         6.0.2: Charity Absolution: Does not apply – All donations are tax-deductible.

·         6.1: It’s Always Your Fault: Lemons is an all-fault environment. You are 100% responsible for what happens while you’re at the wheel. Think you’re the hittee, not the hitter? We don’t care. Think you’ve been wrongly accused? See the part where it says “we don’t care.” Your job is to stay out of trouble. If trouble finds you, take responsibility like a grownup and figure out how to avoid it the next time. Remember: SHIT SANDWICH… HUMBLE PIE… Yum yum…..

·         6.2: Team Lousy-Driving Rule: Teams are held jointly accountable for the penalties earned by their drivers.

·         6.3: Why Am I Upside-Down? Rule: You’re upside-down because you have no business being out on a racetrack. Any driver who puts a car on its roof is out for the event. Any car that rolls during a race will be removed from the race.

·         6.4: No Drinking Until Track Goes Cold: Participants are absolutely prohibited from drinking alcohol until after the last car leaves the track following the day’s checkered flag. Violators will be ejected from the facility immediately.

·         6.5: Passing Safety Vehicles: Moving safety vehicles may not be passed on the track unless a wave-by is given by the safety vehicle’s driver or crew.

·         6.6: Flagging: All flags should be obeyed immediately – they mean something’s up.

6.7: Meaning of flags: See Schedule A… again…

  • 7: Meaning of life: Ask your Mum…